Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 7
Imagine being 4 years old, happily building a sandcastle and paddling in the sea whilst your parents try to get a tan and keep an eye on you at the same time. You don't have a care in the world, and you've never even heard about vampires, let alone seen a Bela Lugosi film. There you are, standing up to admire your 5-bucket sandcastle achievement; you glance up, and see these guys coming at you. You'd fucking shit yourself.
Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 4
Caught out after dawn, these Darklings know what they're doing - hiding under the boardwalk gives you two advantages: Firstly, you can avoid the searing Daystar until the Night comes with her cool embrace, when you shall once more walk amongst the living, choosing your victims and dealing your undead kiss. Secondly, you can look up girls' skirts. Brilliant!
Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 6
Goth down! Goth down! In just minutes, David Hasslegoth and the Gothwatch rescuers will run onto the scene carrying revitalising bottles of Snakebite and some Gothasols. Let's hope they can survive the Daystar until then. They do, however, know the correct way to sunbathe a la Goth - as covered up as you can be, with a bag full of poetry and pseudo-intellectual books, presumably L’Étranger or À la Recherche du Temps Perdu. Minus points, however, for the white trainers. Poor show Gothette!
Side note: As a Didi-Goth I once took to a beach with some 'intellectual' reading in order to pull the clever totty (my favourite kind). I made two mistakes; firstly,the beach I was on was in Malia, Crete where the words 'clever' and 'totty' don't often mix; second, the book I chose was 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade. Consequently I spent a week lying on a beach shouting "Oh God NO! He's doing what with a WHAT? And why are THEY standing over him?" To this day I am the only man ever to go to Malia and not pull.
Of all the Bat's Day shots, this is the apogee - Like a modern day Joan of Arc, this dark delight is backed by a hoard of Goths laying seige to the castle of schmaltz that is Disney. I worship at the alter of your majesty, Gothette!
Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 9
Damon writes "This is my friend and his... oh, hell, who am I kidding, this is my wife and me. A megalomaniacal friend of ours had a giant prom-themed birthday party and we thought we'd goth up the place a bit. Unfortunately it was nearly 90 degrees in Seattle yesterday." Good work Mr and Mrs Damon. Extra points for looking like a cross between Dave Gahaaa-aa-aaa-aaaa-aan and Marc Almond.
Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 6
Well, I've heard of giving head, but I think this is taking it a bit far. She certainly sees something in him that no-one else can see. Although, I think she's missed a basic lesson - before going out in the Daystar, his head was ashen white with beautiful flowing black locks. And now look at it! Burnt to a cinder. Take care, Gothette! It could happen to you.
Gothiness: 10 Sweatiness: 9.9
I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Gothnum, the most powerful Gothgun in the world, and would turn your head into a black moth, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, steampunk?
Give it up for Clint Gothwood. In a top hat.
Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 4
Fuzzirella and her chums are making the most of their visit to Bat's Day. Clearly well versed in irony, these clever Gothettes manage to combine sullen loneliness with sitting in a giant spinning teacup. No easy feat, but watch those bare arms darklings - hopefully they're wearing factor 451.
Gothiness: 5 Sweatiness: 7
Kim and Cris here have joined the throng at the infamous Bat's Day at Disneyland. Respect for representing our Lady of Introspective Conception Siouxsie Sioux, but minus points for using a golf umbrella rather than a gothasol. Poor show! On the subject of Bat's Day, I will offer my right liver and some of my finest dark poetry to the person who can deliver the following shots:
1 - Goth and Mickey Mouse
2 - Goths riding a roller coaster (must look grumpy)
3 - Goths with Mickey mouse ears
Go get 'em Gothseekers!
Sidenote: When I went to see The Cure, Siouxsie Sioux opened (in more ways than one). She was wearing nought but a leather jacket and a g-string, which broke halfway through her set. She didn't even notice and just carried on singing.
Gothiness: 5,000 Sweatiness: 9 (under the collar)
Louise "may or may not be loosely associated with this video" Don't be coy, Louise - it's an association you should scream from the highest rooftops! There are just too many great comments to make on this vid, from the shots on a handy cam of Didi-Goths pretending to cut each other's heads off in Richmond Park to what I suspect is a chorus sung by Neil Tennant. My mind is still boggling. I give you a short selection of possibly the greatest lyrics in Rawk history:
Catch the ghost train to the centre of my heart
I am potent, I'm profound
I am gothic
I am pale
I am scary
I'm a loner
I am cold
I feel special when people don't phone
Spray are my new favourite band!